


Even I Don't Know

by VegetarianVulture



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Fluff, Love, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 17:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5384549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VegetarianVulture/pseuds/VegetarianVulture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honestly, I'm just very emotionally drained from writing a lot of pain. This fic, of course, is still full of emotional pain. But, it ends in a fluff so fluffy that it, personally, makes me sick.</p><p>Anyhow, this is just a one shot I dreamed up on a long drive home the other night while listening to a Billdip playlist I made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even I Don't Know

Things started getting weird the day that the twins’ beloved pig Waddles passed away.

Dipper awoke with a start when the door to his bedroom slammed open, and he sat up to see a frantic Mabel running up to their bed.

“Mabel, wha-?” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, feeling surprised from the rude awakening, but not letting it faze him. His twin had a habit of waking them up like this every now and then.

The seriousness of the situation didn’t hit him until Mabel was violently shaking Bill by his shoulders, yelling at him to get up. The demon groaned and tried to shove a pillow over his head to block her out. “Shooting Star, what is it this time?” the words came out as a whine.

“Bill, _Bill!_ This is serious I need your help, please, please get up,” the girl’s whole body shook and her words were buried in violent sobs.

Apparently, this was enough to get the demon’s attention, as he sat up and put his hands on the sides of her head, eyes wide. “Kid, what’s wrong? Can you tell me what happened?” Mabel only sobbed harder at the questions, and Bill groaned openly at her. He shook her a few times, trying to get her to focus. “ _Mabel_.”

Dipper stared at his boyfriend, mouth hanging open in shock. Bill never used her real name. Turning his gaze to his sister, he saw that she was having a very similar reaction. While tears continued to stream uncontrollably down her cheeks, she was silent, staring at the demon in disbelief.

Of course, Bill only rolled his eyes at their reactions to what was _basically akin to seeing a goddamned talking pineapple_. “You guys need to chill, it’s too early to have your shitty humanoid fruit abominations projected into my head,” he said with a condescending chuckle. “Can you tell me why you’re freaking out now?”

“Come with me.” The girl’s voice came out faint and broken, but she grasped the demon’s arm in a steel grip and yanked him off of the bed and out of the room. Bill stumbled and yelled curses at her the entire way downstairs. Dipper shook his head at the sight and grinned to himself. _These two make life a fuckin’ adventure._

The man’s amusement dropped off entirely when he stepped into Mabel’s room to see her sitting on the floor with her legs crossed- her giant pig Waddles was laying in her lap, and she was rubbing behind his ears and sobbing. Bill rose from where he’d been kneeling on the floor, and he pulled his hand away from the animal’s side. He shook his head at her. “Kid, I can’t do anything for ‘im, he’s been dead for too long. He must’ve gone while you were asleep last night.”

Bill walked up to Dipper, and the man stepped aside to let the demon pass and leave the girl’s room. Dipper sighed sadly, and went to kneel beside his twin, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders. “I’m really sorry, Mabes. I know… I know you don’t want to have to do this, but we can bury him out by Gompers.”

Eyes that mirrored his own turned up to gaze hopefully at him, “I think he would have liked that.”

 

\--------

 

The funeral didn’t last long, but by the time Waddles’s makeshift wooden coffin was entirely buried in the ground, Mabel had cried herself out, and Dipper had to half-carry her to her bed.

Closing the door to her room gently, so he wouldn’t wake her again, Dipper found himself needing to wipe away some tears of his own. Waddles had always been Mabel’s pig, but the little fucker was so full of love and happiness, and their home wouldn’t be the same place without him.

The man tried to subdue his sniffling as he ascended the stairs to his room in the attic, and he opened the door to see Bill sitting on the bed, heterochromatic eyes focused on a book in his hands. He didn’t look up when Dipper entered.

“Hey.” The man’s voice was gentle, but somehow managed to crack a little, despite speaking only a single word. He winced at the similarity to his entire adolescence.

When Bill didn’t show any sign that he noticed Dipper’s presence, the man furrowed his eyebrows and walked over to sit on the bed in front of the demon. “I said hey…” Dipper repeated softly, leaning forward to run his fingertips over Bill’s olive-colored cheek.

His eyes finally flickered up to Dipper’s face, only for a fleeting moment before he returned his gaze to the object in his hands. He did nothing else to acknowledge the man’s words or touch. Dipper groaned and flopped down onto his back, staring angrily at the ceiling. His demon boyfriend was prone to random mood swings, but he usually didn’t outright ignore Dipper unless he had done something particularly bad- which he knew for a fact he hadn’t.

He closed his eyes and sniffled again, deciding to just ignore him back. He stayed like that for a few annoying minutes before he groaned again, louder this time. When that didn’t provoke a reaction, Dipper stubbornly rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the sheets, muffling a drawn-out and incredibly irritated sound.

The man pouted into the mattress for another few minutes before he pushed himself up with a grunt. “What the hell crawled up your ass today?” _Well, so much for ignoring him._

Bill closed his eyes and sighed, closing his book and placing it on the desk next to the bed. After a tense moment, his eyes flitted open, but he didn’t look at Dipper, he just stared down at his knees. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Dipper would have been touched by the words if not for the strained and aggressive tone he said them with. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

Finally, Bill snapped his eyes up to his human’s, and Dipper found himself wishing he hadn’t. The demon’s golden eye was tinged with crimson, and his starry eye was a solid black. “That you’re pathetic, Pine Tree. You and your sister. I hate having to see exactly what kind of people I’m living with. Look at you! All bleary-eyed over an animal that barely even has a worthwhile _soul._ But shit, I guess humans are barely a step above that right? _Fuck_ , and Shooting Star is a downright disaster!”

Tears welled in the man’s eyes as he glared scornfully at the face in front of him, but he wasn’t about to let them fall and prove Bill’s point. Now was not the time to show Bill how much his words stung. _What a fucking heartless monster._

“Ah, good! I’m a monster, _wonderful_. Better than being a weak fleshbag. You honestly disgust me. I don’t know why I waste any of my life with you.” Bill’s blonde hair was tinged red at the roots, and he was shaking lightly with restrained anger.

Dipper didn’t know how to respond to any of it… and he tried to ignore the pressure on his sternum. It was a physical pain, despite being brought on by emotions, and Dipper found himself wondering if Bill could feel it through their bond. The sheer rage on the demon’s features disproved any possibility that that could be the case. He pulled his eyes away from the sight, casting his eyes down at his hands. His words came out as a shaky whisper, “At least we’re on the same page.”

Bill laughed then, but there was no humor behind the sound. “Good! So, we done here? I can think of a million things I’d rather do than waste another minute hanging out with lesser beings.”

Neither of them spoke again, and when Dipper finally gathered the courage to look back up at the demon, he was gone.

 

\--------

 

The man didn’t get a second of sleep that first night, too worried that he would run into his… his what? Demon ex-boyfriend? He laughed at his own stupidity, because why would Bill even try to see him in his dreams? He sure as hell didn’t want to see him when he was awake.

After that realization, Dipper started sleeping again. He didn’t dream.

Not once did he leave his bed after Bill left. Mabel came in to check on him the second day, though she was still very wrapped up in her own grief. Dipper tried to tell her what happened, but he couldn’t get the words out. He had a pristine memory of every word the demon had spat at him that last night, but he couldn’t repeat any of them out loud. They hurt too much. Following some reassurance and affection from the girl, he managed to calm down enough to get some fractured words out. “He’s gone.”

His twin wanted to know what happened, but the man’s state and those two words were enough to get the general point across. She didn’t try to force him to talk, but she did offer to sleep in his bed with him. Dipper shook his head violently at the offer, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. He regretted seeing the rejected look in Mabel’s eyes, but he didn’t want anyone taking Bill’s place. The sheets still smelled like the demon’s skin. Even if he could get himself to speak, he wouldn’t want to admit his reasons to anyone. It was desperate and pathetic- just like Bill said he was.

 

\--------

 

By the fifth day, Dipper’s entire body ached. He had hardly moved, and the only food or fluids he got during those days was the water that Mabel _insisted_ he drink. He couldn’t smell Bill on the sheets anymore, and that would have made him cry again, but he was just too exhausted. He had stopped crying entirely two days ago, finding he just didn’t have the strength.

Whenever he tried to touch Bill’s feelings or thoughts through the soul bond, he found only a mental wall. The demon couldn’t remove the soul bond- it was permanent- but… apparently he could cut him off.

Even after all of the anguish he felt at the blonde’s hurtful words and his outright abandonment of his soul mate, he found that all he wanted was for the demon to come back. Maybe it was a state of denial, or maybe he really was just horribly pathetic, but he knew he would forgive Bill completely if he would _just come back._

By the fifth night without Bill, Dipper found himself sleeping as much as physically possible, hoping desperately to see him again in the mindscape.

 

\--------

 

On the sixth day, Dipper was awoken by Mabel who told him he had to shower. The man tried to ignore his twin, but she rolled him out of bed and he fell unceremoniously on the floor. “Brobro, you’re going to shower. I’m going to wash your bedsheets and your clothes, and then you can go back to sleep. Not optional.”

His first instinct was to argue with her about the sheets, but he knew that they didn’t hold that familiar, comforting scent any longer. Some dark part of his mind added that they never would again.

Dipper didn’t feel any better after the shower, and his clothes and blankets smelled strongly of detergent. Somehow, the change in environment got him to start crying again, and the feeling was almost relieving. A physical outlet for the storm inside of him.

_God, I’m just getting worse and worse every day._

 

\--------

 

After Mabel had gone to bed, Dipper actually decided to walk downstairs to the laundry room, and put his blankets in the drier. He was hoping that the warmth would give him a false sense of affection- just enough to make his muscles lose some of their tension while he slept.

He cradled the warm cloth to his chest as he walked back up the stairs to the attic, feeling some sort of comfort in the heat. He opened the door to his room, slipping in and pushing it closed with his hips.

The man froze in place when his gaze landed on his bed. Despite the lack of a real light source, he was able to identify a human form sitting on the edge of the mattress. Dipper dropped the blankets trembling.

“Bill.” It was the first word that had passed his lips in four days, and it was almost inaudible, even to the man who spoke it. The demon jumped to his feet and crossed the room in a few, long strides. Bill put his hands on Dipper’s upper arms, and tilted his head down to look at him.

Dipper could hardly see his features, but his heterochromatic eyes were bright and… blue? He didn’t know what that meant, until a warm tear dripped onto his face. The demon was crying? Dipper gasped and his emotions swarmed in his chest like a hive of angry bees.

“I tried, Dipper. I-…” Bill fell to the floor, wrapping his arms around the human’s legs. Still in shock, he slid down and sat beside him. _He called me Dipper._

“Wh-,” the man cleared his throat as his voice failed him. “What?”

The blonde’s hair has shifted entirely to a silvery blue, and he coiled his arms around the man’s neck, leaning forward and sobbing into Dipper’s shoulder. Tentatively, the human reached out and touched the link of their soul bond, relieved to find the walls were down. Bill’s mind was a complex mixture, but every emotion he felt was tinged with shame and fear. The demon didn’t try to hide his soul from him, and a part of him was embarrassed and annoyed with himself for being so vulnerable.

“I can’t save you, kid.” The words came out as a whine, and Dipper could feel him tremble.

“I d-don’t understand…”

Bill pulled back and held Dipper’s face in his hands, thumb rubbing over the man’s birthmark. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I left you. I closed the bond off because I thought it would keep you safe from my volatility. But I felt everything you did. It wasn’t closed off for me. I suffered with you every day and it just made it harder for me to research...” Bill leaned forward slowly and pressed their lips together. “ _I’m so sorry_ ,” the words were whispered against Dipper’s mouth, and he shivered at their intensity.

“Where did you go? Why- why were you gone so long?” He tried not to cry again, but the feeling was overwhelming, even as his heart soared at their contact.

There was a long moment of silence before Bill actually started to cackle.

“Pine Tree. I left because I couldn’t see you _grieve_. You’re going to die like that pig, you stupid human, and _I can’t fucking save you!_ ” Bill laughed harder at that, and Dipper assumed he was hysterical. Something inside of his demon had snapped.

“You’re-,” the man tried to keep his breathing steady, but his heart was threatening to fly out of his chest, “you’re afraid of losing me?”

Watery, heterochromatic eyes met his, and they were wide with terror. “You’re going to die. And me? HA! I’m fucking _not_.” The insane grin slid off of his face as soon as it had appeared. His voice fell to a faint whisper. “I tried. When I realized I can’t save you… I tried to find a way that I could join you. But I can’t die with you, kid. I can’t, I can’t.”

Dipper was pulled out of his shock at the demon’s words. “Bill,” he gripped his shoulders and forced eye contact. “Bill, why would you want to die? You’re _immortal!_ Why would you give that up to die with me?”

A whimper slipped past the blonde’s lips, and he pressed his forehead to his human’s. “Eternity. That’s how long I have to live after you’re gone, Mason Pines.” The sound of his name coming out of Bill’s mouth sent a warm shiver through him. He knew he had never told the demon his name, but he wasn’t honestly surprised that he knew it anyway. Bill chuckled at Dipper’s thoughts. “Yeah, kid. I know a lot. But…”

Without warning, Dipper wrapped his arms around his soul mate and pulled the blonde’s head into his chest, fingers carding through his pale, blue locks. Bill’s words were muffled against the fabric of his shirt, but they ripped a gash through the human’s heart regardless. “Even I don’t know how long eternity is.”

“Don’t be afraid…” he pressed a kiss to his love’s hair. “Even if I’m not there… please, don’t be afraid…”

\---

\---

\---

\---

_(The carefully placed walls that kept them apart melted away, as if they’d never been two separate souls in the first place.)_

 


End file.
